(Tom Pavlik - 11 days ago)Sometimes this is about not getting thrown clear in the accident, or hitting just right. Sometimes it is about getting hit pretty solidly and ending up with a lot of things broken. There can be joy after this process even if the injuries are more or less permanent. In fact there can be greater joy and greater freedom in such a new circumstance compared to a state that might be associated with physical wholeness. From personal experience I can say that the beauty of death can be made apparent through such a journey. I don't mean that from the perspective of death being some sort of a release from suffering. What I mean is that a brush with death was a cool breeze when I was choking on the heat. I was spending so much of my energy on self preservation. A brush with death showed me how powerless I am to preserve anything. In contemplation of this I found myself awaking and really realizing that I've been sent on a mission that I will not return from and moreover, that it has always been that way. What could be more enticing for an adventure junkie like me? To really, fully understand the implications of being on a mission in which I have not control and my death is certain is an incredible experience; far more enjoyable than I imagine it could be if I received notice from the bank that my mortgage was paid off. This is the essence of butterflyhood as it has expressed itself through my experience. Yet this understanding can be fleeting and that has caused me great stress. I forget the "wholeness" of my experience and start to falsely recall that there are problems. And so I am writing here today to celebrate how exciting it is to have been picked for this mission. Perhaps such celebration can become routine and through routine perhaps there can come that abiding peace that I have only seen in bits and pieces. Until I am riding a steady wave to me it will mean that I am not yet a butterfly.